Committing

Like Popeye, I am what I am. I am what I have always been and always will be. I am a dreamwalker, a diviner, a walker-between-worlds.

I have traveled many orbits around this star, and for most of those I have denied what I am, tried to hide the gifts I have been given. I have tried to pass for "normal," tried to fit in with society's expectations while always questioning them, or not understanding them.

I didn't understand, as a teenager, how everyone around me could be so wrapped up in dating and football games and the internecine clique-wars in high school. How could they ignore the worlds that danced at the corners of their vision, the strange and beautiful ones who beckoned from beyond? How could they be so focused on such mundane things? I felt like a failure, like an alien in their midst. I could not ignore the Otherworlds, could not escape their draw.

I was well into my 20's before I realized the truth - that they weren't ignoring these things, that other people weren't so much better than I was at dealing with these intrusions.

They didn't see them. They couldn't see the Otherworlds shimmering so tantalizingly close.

Now I wasn't a failure, unable to cope. I was crazy...or so I thought.

But now I know that I am not crazy. It is the way I was born, perhaps the way I chose to be before I was born. It is a gift, not a curse. It is something I must face, something I must commit to being, to living, to doing. It is not enough to live in an uneasy tension with what I am. It is time for me to embrace that which I am, to begin to live fully in this body I inhabit, and to begin the work I came here to do.